Friday, April 8, 2011


I guess each humans are different from each other, which is of course they are different.. that's what make them special and different from each other.. there are some that will goes with the majority.. some that are too special and be different.. We might like them as majority or as individual as well..

We as humans tend to give advice to people on what to do, judging from the situation as general.. where some of us actually experience them, then apply on the situation when giving advice.. some from TV, some because they were told before about others experience and all sort of methods of learning them.. I used to grow up hearing them.. giving advice on them.. try to think like them.. and when it really happen to you.. I tend to analyze and giving myself advice.. which sometimes I try to get confirmation from others that is the correct way or better solution to handle the situation.. however a while more the other me will start thinking and getting impatient.. as I don't like to be kept in the dark.. as I had bad experiences of that from the past.. to be kept in the dark.. and knowing nothing and found it out later from others are much much, much more worst then know it first hand and break your heart completely earlier... at least it broken and heal.. rather than broken, heal and broken into even more pieces later on..

Humans certainly are very interesting.. but sometimes I rather be a animal.. where just need to worry about food...mate.....or safety..? Human got much more problems compared to that..
In this world humans are all their own way... I myself too are selfish in my own way.. just it is up the others to see it, how they judge a human selfishness.. I tend to judge them as selfish when someone told me.. so I am selfish when come to label people as I am easily influenced when my heart and confidence shank very low..

Sometimes I do wonder how a person actually can end their life despite everyone scolding them stupid, die also cannot solve problem, how about the others that stuck with the thing and such.. but actually we never think what was the person thinking during the time they committed that... for me I kinda admire their bravery to do such things.. it definitely take a lot, a whole lot of courage to do it.. that's why some we can see those failure one.. they somehow got scared of it, and really hoping someone there to stop them and help them.. sometimes I think they just want people to actually lend a helping hand to them before they fall...some are just unlucky.. coz despite their misery.. nobody actually care to look for them.. or care for their feeling.. sometimes it really meant everything in the world when someone actually care especially when they have that moment.. this is what I believe.. that's why despite all this I still do care.. even though sometimes I think that I am the on being hurt.. so must be selfish abit.. but somehow I still care.. and sometimes I really want to know the truth.. as I cant bear to be the last one to find out... as it definitely suck more.. and worst... but sometimes when I try to get ready for the answer.. I can feel my heart sinking.. like become lifeless and sour... so I think that is what every human experience when they really heart broken or not brave enough to face reality..

Humans are different.. and no such things as one enough for one somehow.. I guess rules of living changed.. those that think of others will be labeled as hypocrite somehow.. and those bash people will be labeled as real.. I really wanna be the bad one, if it makes life easier somehow.. I am sorry to my other part of personality.. I am starting to contradict with myself more and more now, after analyze and trying to solve the thing for myself and others as well despite knowing the reason.. and just guessing and guessing and guessing and heart broken and thinking.. this cycle is very terrible.. how nice if there is a sucking machine that will suck all those out from a person, and each person can live happily as they are high on drug, but minus the side effect, as those drug taker usually end up worst later on after they happy happy..

2011.. I really not sure what sort of year it is.. some say good for tiger, mouse.. but the things happen does not really seems so... or is it I had a lot of 'unclean' stuff with me.. so somehow I am running in bad luck? They sorta come to me after CNY... which is the new year.. I guess I am either running in strike of bad lucks or something that is better will happen in the end of all those bad things..if yes.. I really hope I was informed first in my dreams, those feeling of dejavu.. rather than receiving one blow by one blow... even until now I still receiving few unsolved blows..

Conclusion.. if 2012 really the end.. I hope to be born as a butterfly next life.. at least I can transform from ugly into something beautiful and got admired before die.. or as a pampered cat.. it is not too much to ask..? I hope.. oh but please let me born in while, as born in someone else flower pot end up getting throw from some higher ground and end up squashed as water melon instead -_-'' Its committing suicide unwillingly..


d3b...* said...

very profound ara. hope everything turns out to be better for you. big hug from me to you! ♥

araleling said...

Thanks deb =)

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